> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> Emerald Frequency Official Web Site
> profile

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

lillianna

7:11p I've found myself feeling kind of emo lately. (I guess that's the right term.) There's been so many things happening - some of them good (like getting a job, or going to Alchemy) - and some of them really crappy (like losing Tigger, or being unwillingly thrown into bullshit scenarios by people who are not very good at being honest.) I keep perfecting the art of letting go. A fruit tree that holds a few moldy produce bits. (Yes, i am calling bullshit in my life rotten fruit. What would you call it?) You give your heart, and it's thrown back in your face (like you'd be the very last option, over even the bed hopper, and the little-in-common.) You reach out and trust, and you end up afraid that insane and unfortunate things are going to continue to be struck your way. You lose your 15-year best friend. You get to a point where you just want nothing more than to disappear. I can't handle it. Too fucking much flashing at me. I can't handle it! Disclaimer: No, i'm not suicidal. Can this be it for a little while? Can my trust stop being fucked with, my heart stop breaking, my loved ones stop leaving? I can't handle much more of it right now. I realize that it's a part of life, but it doesn't need to be a constant. For those watching my Facebook: Yeah, this is what i meant when i said that i had a lot of healing to do. I'll be okay, but damn... current music: "Half Assed" - Ani DiFranco

(comment on this)