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Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

lillianna

7:09p 2009 I'm hearing a lot of people say how horrible 2009 was. And i look back at it myself... I had my heart battered and beaten and then finally shattered; I had a friend totally lose her mind on me and put me in bad situations numerous times (one of which was numerous states away from where i live, and more than one were teetering well into a territory of actual danger), which also turned out to be directly related to one of the very few actual regrets i've ever had; i had my first bad burn event (via my own experiences); my family continued to struggle like hell financially (though note: we're okay now!); and i lost my long time best friend (my sweet sweet kitty). I mostly kept it together emotionally, which is more than i can say about 2006, so seeing as how i didn't feel the draw to commit suicide, 2006 was the worst emotional year. But in terms of events, man, it's hard to say. My parents were finally not in the hospital (thank the Gods!), but there were so many other things. In terms of events, this may have been the worst. And yet...i see all of this shit, and i see how much stronger i grew, and how much i learned, and how much i grew up. And i see how much i proved to myself that i can handle, i can handle, i can handle, and i can do it without becoming bitter and lost. I sailed through a sea of misfortune, and i came out smiling. That's way more than i would have thought. (And of course, i do have to note that there were fantastic things about this year as well. Alchemy and all of my new friends comes to mind. I am richer with you in my life!) I am going into 2010 feeling secure, strong, and confident. Sail on! current music: Afro Celt Sound System - When You're Falling | Powered by Last.fm

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Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

lillianna

10:13p You know that when you're fine with the idea of going to work, but full of anxiety about driving there and back, you have a rather odd problem. You also know that because you work on the bad side of town, the bus isn't too much of an option. Shmoo. :(

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